There’s a lot of information on the internet about the energy of a narcissist. But what exactly is a narcissist? And how can we begin to learn to recognize their energy?
What is a narcissist – a dictionary definition
According to the online Merriam Webster dictionary: –
A narcissist is a person affected with narcissistic personality disorder.
A personality disorder is characterized by: –
- an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
- A persistent need for admiration.
- A lack of empathy for others.
- Excessive pride in achievements.
- Snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes.
At its most extreme, snobbery can just be a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder, a condition marked by grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a preoccupation with power and prestige.
Unlike the garden-variety snob, narcissists have impaired relationships because they’re unable to enter anyone else’s world.
—Adelle Waldman
A person with the energy of a narcissist has these characteristics
With a bit of googling, we can learn some of the characteristics of a narcissist.
At some point, you will realize that being narcissistic is a personality disorder.
Here are some examples from the Mayo Clinic. A narcissist: –
- Has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
- Expects to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it.
- Exaggerates achievements and talents.
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate.
- Believes that they are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people.
- Requires constant admiration.
- Has a sense of entitlement.
Perhaps you can add a few definitions of your own to this list.
Narcissistic types
It may interest you to know that narcissists can manifest in a few different types, some examples being
- The introvert narcissist (“Oh, you don’t want to worry about me. I did this, and it’s amazing, but no need to talk about it, no, no it’s fine…well if you insist...“)
- The overt narcissist (“Well yes, you know, it WAS me and I think most people underrate me for my skills and abilities – give me some time and I’ll explain in some depth how I always get overlooked.“)
- The covert narcissist (“Let’s just stay home and we can spend all our time together, after all you know how uncomfortable I get in big crowds, and I like my ‘you’ time“).
- The parasitic narcissist (“I know I said I would start looking for a job this month, but my back has flared up again, and I need to take another break, you understand...“).
- The cerebral narcissist (“She’s not very clever, you know; I have ten times the knowledge and I didn’t even study that subject – let me tell you what I know and how I know it…“).
- The somatic narcissist (“You know how important appearance is to me. Get my green juice ready at 7 am sharp so I can get to the gym, keep in shape, have plenty of time to change – did you press my clean shirt?“).
Sometimes, narcissists can shift or even oscillate between 2 types of behavior to get what they need from others.
This shift can be from somatic to cerebral, for example.
What about the energy of a narcissist?
Here are some things I have noticed in my travels as an Intuitive Coach.
If you want to avoid getting involved with a narcissist or are now realizing you are in the grip of a narcissist, you may recognize some of the following approaches.
- You are needed by the narcissist.
- All your dreams have been answered.
- After a while, there is a switcheroo of some kind, and you are immediately treated differently.
- Every now and then, when you start to drift away, the narcissistic person will top you up with love energy, or appreciation, an apology if needed, and even a drop of praise. Until you come back.
Love is the drug
The first thing to understand is that if you agree to connect regularly with a narcissist, you may end up becoming narcissistic supply.
Yes, just like a drug dealer.
That means in terms of energetics, quite literally, you give, and the narcissist takes.
Initially, it may not seem that way.
If you are in an intimate relationship or close friendship with a narcissist, you may be having a blast and be feeling wonderful. This person is giving you so much attention, praise, and connection.
It’s amazing! Just what you had always dreamed of.
Until they pull the plug
Once you are emotionally (and energetically) connected, the tables will start to turn, and the flow of love energy will switch to something else.
The ‘glow’ you felt at the beginning of your connection will be a vague memory unless, that is, the narcissist feels your attention waning.
In which case, he/she will switch the headlights back on in your direction to top you up with some glamor love to get you back online.
The difference between the energy of a narcissist and you
The difference between you and a narcissist is this.
You can hold the space for others, give, love, and care, but you don’t take their life force. That would be creepy.
The narcissist, on the other hand, gets the majority of their vital force, energy, ‘chi’, whatever you want to call it, from others.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, this means that they are getting their life force energy from YOU.
I know it sounds a bit scary, but the upside is they can only ever get it from you with your agreement.
If you have a regular spiritual practice, you won’t need to get your vital force from anyone else’s body – why would you want to?
The energy of a narcissist is disrupted
In the case of a narcissistic personality disorder, their energy field has been disrupted by a series of events.
Sometimes, the issue is one huge trauma.
More often than not, narcissistic habits derive from a long-drawn-out experience of bad parenting.
The disruption can even be a combination of both bad parenting and trauma.
You may have been subject to bad parenting, of course.
As Patricia Evans would say in her amazing book Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You, you will have had a parent or carer who was a ‘compassionate witness’.
Compassionate witnessing
Your compassionate witness may have been silent as a parent, carer, or sibling, but they saw how you were mistreated and knew it was wrong.
You felt this growing up.
As a result, you became aware that there was a different universe out there waiting for you.
The picture painted by the narcissist in your family is not generalized out into the world. You know that there is something wrong with the picture you are having to live at home.
When a narcissist is created through family trauma, he/she may be completely alone in their suffering.
This is how an individual believes that this behavior is natural and normal. There is simply no other good example to absorb.
The narcissistic wound needs energy
The result of this is that a person with a narcissistic personality disorder has had their natural energy flow broken or disrupted.
There is an essential disconnect between the growth of their child self and their adult self.
This, in turn, shuts down the growth of the inner world. As the individual grows, they will become aware that they are suffering from an energy deficit.
To survive, the individual puts out energetic feelers into others’ energy fields to draw on that energy.
They can’t make contact within their own world to make themselves feel better.
Do you sometimes feel that your energy is becoming drained when interacting with some people? This is one approach to being able to identify a narcissist.
Sarah is an Intuitive Coach and has studied the human energy field for 20 years. She is good at reading subconscious connections in your energy and can help support people struggling in difficult relationships. To learn more, connect with Sarah at the client portal.
