I didn’t know that I was in the secret world of the narcissistic personality type. I believed that I was welcomed into my ex-partner’s inner circle at the beginning of the relationship — he told me things he had never told another woman, he said. The truth was that he was cherry-picking the truth to manipulate me.
Why do narcissists keep secrets
In the love-bombing phase of any toxic relationship with a narcissist, you will be made to feel special.
Not only unique, but super-special, perfect, unusual, ideal, and even the best lay ever. You are so in love, and you feel the most alive you have ever felt.
Yet, at the same time, you might also feel: –
- rushed
- enclosed
- cut off.
You might become: –
- a secret keeper
- a healer
- someone who feels the emotions of someone else for them.
Your new and exciting partner will make you feel like: –
- you are the only one who ever really understood him (his exes certainly don’t!)
- it’s you and him against the world
- life is so much better when you are together.
This is how you will become drawn into the secret world of the narcissistic personality type.
Welcome to the interference field of the narcissist
It feels good. To finally be seen for who you KNOW you really are, to find a man who has a deeper understanding of life, to have amazing sex, and to be accepted.
Finally, a man who gets you!
Oh, he gets you completely and he has great things in store for you.
And yet.
At some point during this idealistic sexual, open idyll, when the bowl of cherries tastes the sweetest yet, he will unsheath a cold blue dagger and stab you in the heart many times, suddenly, all at once.
He will stab you with truths
Suddenly, he may share some truths that you would rather not hear. They clash with your value set. How can you tolerate this behavior?
But somehow, you do.
He will work on bringing you down, challenging your self-esteem, and introducing you to the secret world of the narcissist.
At this point, you are invested, so you probably won’t back out.
He will stab you with behaviors
Your partner may start to do things that you don’t like.
Perhaps he’ll get a little physical in a way that shocks you or makes you feel uncomfortable.
Possibly he’ll ask you to do something sexually that you don’t want to do, but you do it.
You accept the behaviors because you want the love field back.
It was so amazing, and it was so you!
Just a little more healing, a little more empathy, and more sex from you, and he will be back to being able to see it your way.
He will stab you to keep you in the secret world of the narcissistic personality
And then what will you do? Will you stay and keep enjoying the sweetness of the cherries he promised you before? I know I did.
I kept hoping we would return to the previous reality, where he wrote me love letters and emails every day and painted pictures of our future life together.
The sex was so good, the intimacy unrivaled, the relationship so interesting.
I had invested pretty much everything into our future, so why wouldn’t I stay? He was everything I had been looking for.
After all, I was a healer, I could do it.
I was the Anastasia Steele of the UK. I was bringing my intense love to a man unfairly treated by the world.
Nobody had seen my potential to heal someone before, and I was ready to rise to the challenge.
Sure, put me on the rack, I can take it. Whip me, I want to help you to heal. Mistreat me, I can show you the error of your ways. And then, I’ll win a prize. You!
All he needed was a truly good, self-aware woman to help straighten him out, right?
Entering the secret world of the narcissist will keep you inside his web
Without secrets that bind you at the heart and make you feel empathy for him, you might have left.
Without lots of good sex, you wouldn’t be in love with him. Every woman would like a man who focuses on HER during sex, right?
You might have decided to share your secrets with a friend without a little push and shove.
However, you keep getting the rug pulled from under you. Not just once, but continuously.
Just enough to keep you tick-tocking between shock and awe – and love lost. Otherwise, you might have begun to wake up and think something was wrong with him, not you.
If the narcissist keeps doing these things and feeding you cherries just when you think you might starve, you will stay and you will commit.
And then, you have won your prize! Your entrance ticket into the secret world of the narcissistic personality type.
